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Intimacy and Marriage
One out of three couples can attest to having been or are in a relationship with no intimacy. Nowadays, other “important” things have taken over, such as full-time careers, careers. Nothing wrong with that, a secure job, means a secure future. But doesn’t it kind of defeat the purpose? People are in a rush to get married as quickly as they are to get out of it. You meet someone and you feel that you are well matched because you, like the same genre of music, food or you enjoy traveling, what then, will hold you two together when all that is removed? Then you will be shocked when the marriage is over and done with and you're both left wondering what went wrong. There is nothing as constant as change. Life, circumstances and especially human beings change eventually and that’s the one thing that most couples do not like to admit to or deal with. You may have fallen in love with a prince then life happens, it changes him. This throws you off a bit and then some more until you can’t take it anymore. You both lash out at each other any chance you get, you argue till the break of dawn and constantly fight and yet if anyone would ask what the fights are about, you both wouldn’t have a clue because, the thing is, you are both too close to the problem to even know what it is. So you do the next best thing, pack your bags and leave. Anyone in a long term relationship or marriage can tell you that relationships are by no mean easy, especially if you are not in it for the right reasons or you are not well prepared or strong enough to stand together when the proverbial boat starts to rock. Remember, you are two completely different people in character and personality, who vow to stay together for the rest of your life.
What Is A Good Marriage?A good marriage is solely defined by the two people in it. No two marriages are the same and what works for one couple may not necessarily work on another. There are countless of self-help books available in the market today that promises to help in fixing broken or on the verge of breaking, relationships. Some people find them helpful, while others not so much. The sacrifices each couple makes in order to accommodate their partners has proven to be a successful tool when it comes to a good marriage. Advice passed on to children whose parents have a lasting relationship also helps. A good example is the ability to walk away from a fight/ argument so that you both can cool off or admitting when you are wrong and apologizing because saying you are sorry can be a difficult thing for some. Another good example is to always put your relationship first and remember why you got married because after all that is said and done, the children will grow up and leave and it will be just the two of you and this is how you discover what your marriage is made of. Will you remain best friends? Will the conversations still flow? In fact, have you been secretly hoping and praying that your children leave the nest already so that you both can finally start enjoying the rest of your life together? If the answer to these questions is yes, then you could be on to something great!
There is hope:What has brought us here today is for those that have found themselves in a marriage without intimacy. Intimacy is important in any relationship. It is one way of expressing your love for each other and also showing your commitment to one another. Lack of intimacy can strain even the most solid relationship. It creates doubts and suspicion. Couples in this position may think that their partner no longer finds them attractive, or the possibility of an ongoing affair or they are simply no longer in love with them, these in turn causes acts of desperation. In one particular case, a wife thought that the husband no longer found her physically attractive and she resorted to starving herself to a bulimic state. She got more desperate to gain his attention yet still he wouldn’t be intimate with her. She turned to drugs and overdosed. When she was asked why, she said that all she wanted was her husband to be intimate with her. It was later on revealed that the husband was suffering from erectile dysfunction and had been too embarrassed to talk to her or anyone about it as it made him feel useless as a man! This may not be the case for everyone. But as a couple, it is best that you use your own discernment. If the marriage is worth fighting for or not and if there are mitigating factors. If it is worth fighting for, then these are a few things couples can try to spruce up their love life.
- Make an effort to be kind to one another. The period without sex may have brought about resentments and unwanted aggression. Talk about it calmly and openly. Make amends. The best thing is to not dwell on the matter, but to move on.
- Make plans together. It doesn’t have to be a major plan. What this does is make you both commit to, respect and follow through with the plan, this also makes it possible for both of you to remain in sync and open lines of communication.
- Start dating. The feelings you had for each other when you were dating are bound to to come out one way or another. Make sure you have at least two dates a week and commit to it. Buy each other sentimental gifts, something that tells the other how you feel….,and no, not a tie!
- Say positive and affirming things / words to each other each day. Your partner needs to know that you are able to see beyond their faults and misgivings. It could mean paying them a compliment. You need to be real and honest.
- Start holding hands, even for a little while. A little kiss on the cheek. Eat together and sit next / close to each other and cuddle if possible, but please make an effort. This process will start to bring down the intimacy barrier that has been between you. This part may be challenging because you are not used to this person being in your personal space for a long time. Close personal contact stimulates the intimate part of the mind.
- Be open and talk about what your expectations and desires are when it comes to sex. This could be from fantasies to role playing. This part is where you both let your guard down and let each other in. Create a sexy mood and atmosphere throughout the day to help build up the excitement.